The police scanner is talking about you again....
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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