You work out of a Hotel?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
