i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
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We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.