I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
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Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
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Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar