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I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
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