PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.