so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is