Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
