Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
