So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just pee around me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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