I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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