If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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