I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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