do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
