She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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