I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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