I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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