that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
