I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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