yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
