I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
where are my eyebrows?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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