Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
