that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
