tell your sister to shave her snatch
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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