i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
