I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
