I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
