I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
