someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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