come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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