Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
