It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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