my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
