We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
