Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
