If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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