if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
