So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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