In the future we'll all be gay
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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