Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just google imaged poop.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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