I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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