there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
