it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize