why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
