Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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