i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
tell me about the eggs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
