My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
