the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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