he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
