my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize