Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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