Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
