im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
