Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
