can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
