Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I think my vagina is haunted
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
