If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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