I've blown a few things in my day
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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