your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize