I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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