Apparently you make a good broom.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
