she looked like the before picture.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
