He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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