I looked at my own cervix.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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