2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize