I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
