his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
