i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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