Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
