At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
There r osticjed everywhere
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize