we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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