just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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