why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
This is my life. Enjoy the view
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
