so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
