Taylor Swift is so right about you.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house