I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised