do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
