She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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