if only i could text you this smell
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
