we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
