oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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