I love black thongs
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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