put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
