your parents love me but you hate me
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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