I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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