I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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